


A Binary Drunken Marriage

by blaiseingfire, Cyberleader2000



Category: RWBY
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Drunken Shenanigans, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Marriage, Overprotective, Robots, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 19:56:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9841571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blaiseingfire/pseuds/blaiseingfire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyberleader2000/pseuds/Cyberleader2000
Summary: Its beacons end of year Christmas party and Jaune has been looking forward to it but the night only gets better when he bumps into Ruby's Cute yet Quirky friend and they hit it off everything seemed to be going great but now he's running desperately for his life.This is a copy of my story off fanfiction.net





	

Penny walks into Ironwoods office on the capital ship. "You wanted to see me Mr Ironwood?"

"Yes," Ironwood greeted with a smile, "I've been talking it over with your father and we both agreed that you can go to Beacon's end of year Christmas party. We think it will be a great environment to help improve your social interactions."

Penny has a huge smile on her face and her eyes seemed to sparkle. "Really, I can go?"

James smiles. "Yes, go on and have fun."

Penny runs out of the office and back to her room to get ready.

.

Jaune lets out a sigh as he finally finished his assignments. His team had left half an hour ago to go to the parity and he still needed to get ready. Jaune's about to get changed when he hears a crash from next door. He leaves his dorm and walks across the hall to find Ruby chasing Zwei. He is carrying a box in his mouth.

"Zwei, that's not a chew toy! Give it back!" Ruby cries out as she gave chase to the little corgi.

Jaune dives, grabs Zwei, and lifts him off the floor. "No more running for you." Zwei drops the box and his ears droop in a pout and then licks Jaune's face. Jaune places Zwei back on the floor and the dog happily barks before running off.

Ruby walks over and picks up the box. "Thanks Jaune, you're a lifesaver."

"No problem Ruby," He replied. "So, what in the box?"

"Oh, it's my dress for the party."

"Crap, I'm not even ready! See you down there." With that Jaune turns and runs back into his dorm room to get ready.

.

Ruby steps into the ballroom for the end of year Christmas party. Ruby surveys the room and notices Ozpin chatting away with a group of students, coffee cup in hand. Ironwood and Goodwitch are dancing with each other on the dance floor. Team CFVY are in full party mode dancing with each other. Ruby decides to head over and say hi to Velvet. On the way over she bumps into someone.

"Oh my apologi-" the woman tried to apologize but paused for a second. "RUBY!"

Ruby instantly recognises that voice. She turned around saw one of her best friends. "Penny!" The two hug each other. "What are you doing here? I thought you weren't allowed to be out."

"Mr. Ironwood and my father agreed this would be a great environment for me to improve my social interactions, so they let me come."

"That's great Penny. Oh, I'm going to grab a drink and we can spend the rest of the night hanging out."

"I'll come with you." The two walk over to refreshment table as Ruby pours herself a drink penny follows suit penny then takes a sip of the punch.

"This has a lovely sweet flavour," Penny said with a smile.

Ruby has a shocked look on her face. "Wait a second, you can drink?"

"I can eat as well."

"Wait what!? Why!? How!?"

"My father designed me with a bio fuel reactor so I can consume organic matter and process it to provide me with power. My father also made it so I can appear more human and can blend in more easily. He also wanted me to have the full human experience, he even gave me taste buds."

Ruby raised an eyebrow. "The full human experience. Wait does that mean you can... um..."

"Yes I am full capable of having intercourse," Penny answered without hesitation.

"What eww that's not what I was asking!" Ruby shrieked with a blush. "I wanted to know do you go to the bathroom."

"Oh... yes I can. How else would I dispose of the waste materials from my bio reactor."

"Is there any food it can't process?"

Penny thinks for a moment "Not really, except alcohol and fermented fruits. They cause energy fluctuations which can affect my system, including my balance, senses and cognitive processes. The end result, though unintended, means I can experience the same effects humans experience when drunk. I would also experience what you humans would call a 'hangover' as my systems attempt to recover and restore themselves. My father decided not to fix problem despite Mr. Ironwood's protest. He want me to experience all the good and bad of being human. Though I have no intention of trying it as it sounds like a very unpleasant experience."

"I can understand that but at the same time it's so cool. What other human things can you do?"

"Well, I have tear ducts so I can cry. I also sleep."

Ruby's head tilted to the side. "Wait, why do you sleep?"

"My power cells recharge faster than when I'm awake. It gives my systems a easier time to make maintenance checks and small system repairs."

"Ah, "Ruby nodes, interested in what she learned about one of her best friends.

"So Ruby, are there any cute boys here?"

Ruby spits the punch she was drinking back out in surprise. "Uh… not really. The only ones here that are cute and not complete and utter jerks are kind of already taken."

Penny looks sad "And here I was hoping we could finally talk about cute boys."

"Hey Ruby. Oh and hey Penny, long time no see."

The two turns to see Yang and the rest of team RWBY followed close behind by Sun, Neptune, and Jaune.

Penny turned to Ruby. "Hey Ruby, who is the blonde one."

"That's my sister Yang. You've met her before."

"No not her, the cute guy."

Ruby snots. "What, Jaune?"

Jaune walks over. "Hi, my name's Jaune Arc. Short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, ladies love it."

"No. No they don't," Weiss snorted.

Jaune sighs and slouches forward and Penny giggles "Well I like it." Everyone turns to Penny with gobsmacked looks.

Then Yang burst out laughing. "Well I guess ladykiller's tactics had to work eventually."

"Alright everyone, it's time for a couples dance," the DJ announced.

Ignoring everyone's reaction, Jaune turns to Penny and offers his hand. "Would you care to dance milady?"

"Yes." Penny said with a smile. She accepts his hand as he leads her out onto the dance floor, where the two proceed to dance equally as poorly as each other.

Sun scratches the back of his head as the rest of the group watches. "Huh, I guess you don't really need game when the girl you're hitting on doesn't have any either." The group nodded and hummed in agreement.

"I don't know," Blake said with a smirk, "they're kind of Awkdorable together." The group nodded and hummed in agreement again.

Weiss grabs Neptune's arm and drags him to the dance floor. "Wait, Weiss where are we going?"

"I'm not going to waste my night watching them dance when I can be dancing myself, and you're coming with me."

"But I can't dance!" Neptune panicked.

"Sure you can. You can't be any worse than Jaune."

Sun offers his hand to Blake. "Care to dance." Blake rolls her eyes and accepts his hand. He then leads her to the dance floor.

Nora turns to face Ren after she feels a taping on her shoulder he is holding his hand out and has a blush across his face. He doesn't get the chance to ask the question when Nora's eyes shimmer and she squeals in excitement. "YES!" She grabs his arm and at speed drags him to the dance floor.

Ruby pouts "There's no one left to dance with me and now I want to dance."

Yang has on her trademarked grin as she placed her hand on Ruby's back and pushed her towards Pyrrha at the edge of the dance floor. "Hey Pyrrha!"

Ruby has a terrified look. "Yang, what are you doing?"

"You said you wanted to dance, right? Well Pyrrha is free so why not dance with her?"

"B-but Yang, it's the couples dance, and were both girls."

"Why does that matter?"

"B-b-but people will look at us."

"Let them, it's none of their business." Yang leans down. "Besides you should be thanking me. I've seen the way you look at Pyrrha, you totally have a crush on her."

"I-I-I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I would believe you, but your stuttering and red cheeks say otherwise. Look, just go ask her already. Worse case scenario, you two dance as friends." Yang pats her sister on the back and walks back to the refreshments table.

Ruby turns to Pyrrha and puts her two index fingers together "So um, Pyrrha would you like to dance?"

"Sure, that sounds like fun." Pyrrha said with a cheery smile. She took Ruby, who had a beaming smile on her face, out onto the dance floor.

Yang smiles evilly. "Great. Now that they're all out of the way, let the fun begin." She pulls out Qrow's flask and opens it, taking a whiff and then staggering back a little. "Wow, this is stronger than I thought. Oh well." Yang then proceeds to pour the contents of the flask into the punch bowl. Yang smiles triumphantly at her handy work.

"Miss Xiao Long, what pray tell are you up to?" Yang jumps and spins round to see Ozpin.

"Professor Ozpin you startled me. I was just getting myself a drink of punch. What brings you over here?"

"I was told by a few students that the punch was very good. Seeing as I have run out of coffee I thought I would give it a try."

Yang pours two glasses and hands one to Ozpin with a smile. "Well here you go sir, enjoy."

"Thank you." Taking the glass he takes a drink from it. "Hmm, this quite good. Have a pleasant evening." Ozpin turns away and heads back down towards Professors Port and Doctor Oobleck. Yang lets out a sigh of relief.

.

As evening went on Yang dances with a few guys who asked her but stopped when one got a little to handsy and was sent through a window. Right now she is sitting back in glee, watching people refill their glasses and drinking the punch. Her amusement grew when people started to stagger about and random people begin to engage into intense liplocking sections. She then bursts into hysterical laughter when Weiss leaves with Neptune and Sun leaves with Blake.

"I take it you spiked the punch bowl?"

Yang turned to her left and saw Ren looking at her unamused. "Oops, I've been caught," Yang said in an overdramatic voice. "Hey wait, why aren't you affected?"

"Because I didn't drink any of the punch and I had the sense to keep Nora away, but you do realize Ruby drank some of the punch as well, right?"

The look of amusement dropped off of Yang's face. "Where is she?"

"She was in her words 'feeling weird' so Pyrrha offered to take her back to the dorms."

Yang lets out a sigh of relief. "Well she will be ok with Pyrrha. Jeez Ren, you had me really worried for a second there."

"Well you're going to be in trouble tomorrow so least I could do was put you mind to rest about Ruby. But have you seen Jaune? I've not seen him in over a hour since he was dancing with that girl… Penny was her name right?"

"Oh yeah, he left with her just after Ozpin left. I guess they went after him."

"I wonder what they wanted with Ozpin."

"Who knows, but I'm going to call it a night before someone figures out that it was me who did this."

"Ok," Ren sighed, "Night Yang."

"Night Ren. Night Nora."

"Night Yang," Nora waves as she leaves with Ren.

Yang exits the ballroom and begins walking back to the dorms.

"So, did you have fun?" Yang jumps and spins round to see an all too familiar, welcomed face.

"Oh, hey Uncle Qrow. It was a fun party, but what brings you back here so soon?"

Qrow holds out his hand "I will take it back now yang."

Yang laughs nervously "I have no idea what you're on about."

"The flask Yang."

With a sigh Yang hands it over. "You're not going to run me in Uncle Qrow?"

"Nope. This was mild compared to what I did when I was here, and I have to admit I was impressed when not only did you avoid getting caught you actually had the balls to give Ozpin a spiked drink yourself. It gave me a laugh. Just don't take my flask again. See you later Yang." And with that Qrow transforms into a bird and flies off.

"Bye Uncle Qrow." Yang waves as he flies away.

.

At Beacon tower a hole is made through the wall right next to the door and Penny falls through it with Jaune stumbling after her and helps her up. The two stare at each other for a moment before they erupt in laughter.

"Penny you should watch where you're going. You made a hole in the- hey how did you do that anyway?"

"I'm combat ready *hick* which means I have to be strong." Penny saluted.

Jaune shrugs as the pair continued staggering around Beacon, laughing all the way.

"So where was I... oh yeah *hick* then Mr. Ironwood said I should not have *hick* shot a hole in the side of the training room."

Jaune is laughing "Hey where are we going?"

"I want to show you my *hick* quarters on Ironwood's *hick* capital ship."

It doesn't take long for the pair to head over to the south side docks at Beacon. Using her scroll Penny gains access to the ship and they enter.

.

Yang yawns as she approaches her dorm room. As she gets closer she hears giggling coming from inside the room. She opens the door as quietly as possible and see two red dress and underwear across on the floor. She then notices movement from Ruby's bunk.  
"Way to go Ruby," she whispers with a grin. Yang quickly and quietly backs out of the room and closes the door. She then turns around and knocked on team JNPR's door.

The door opens a few seconds later "Finally Jaune you're bac…" Ren blinks a few times. "Oh Yang, I thought Jaune had come back. What's up?"

"Well let's just say Pyrrha and Ruby are taking very good care of each other."

"Finally! It took them long enough." Both Ren and Yang stare at Nora. "What? I was hoping they would hook up."

Ren looks back at yang "well ok then. Anyway we have no problem with you staying here but what about the rest of your team?"

"I haven't seen any sign of them. There probably hocking up somewhere as we speak."

.

Glynda groans as she sits up in an unfamiliar bed she turns to her left to see the face of James Ironwood. "Oh dust no. "Glynda then leaps out of bed and runs into a bathroom and hurled her guts up.

"Come on it can't be that bad."

As Glynda walks back in she give James a death glare. "It is and you will speak of this to no one."

.

Weiss wakes up to find that she is not in her room. She is also in her underwear. She looks to her right to see a shirtless Neptune. She facepalms and instantly regrets her decisions as her splitting headache give her a clue what happened last night.

Getting up as quietly as possible, Weiss collects her clothes and gets dressed as quickly as she can whilst trying not to wake up anyone in the room. As she turns around she tries not to giggle out loud at the sight of Blake tangled up with Sun in his bed. "Guess I wasn't the only one who got wasted last night," she thought to herself. Quietly she opens the door and slips out, closing it behind her.

The sound of the door clicking shut causes Blake's ears to twitch. As she stirs awake, her movements cause Sun to wake.

"Morning Blake." Blake freezes in fear and then turns to look down at the grinning face of Sun. The very next second Sun is launched off the bed by a swift kick to the balls. "Blake why?" Sun groaned, lying on the floor clutching his balls through his boxers in pain.

"Sun, what the hell are you doing in my bed?!"

Gasping through the pain Sun looks up from the floor. "Uh Blake, you're in mine."

Blake looks round and realises he is right then she gives him a look of anger. "What happened last night?"

"I don't remember, but I don't think we did anything since we're still both in our underwear."

Blake gets up and pulls on her dress "You best not have done anything."

"I swear I'm 99%... well maybe 90% sure we didn't do anything."

"You best hope its 100% that you didn't or you won't be able to do anything again." Blake walks out the room and slams the door shut behind her. Sun gulped in nervousness

"Dude is she gone?" Neptune whispered.

"Yeah she gone, you can stop pretending to be asleep now."

Neptune sits up and unwraps himself from the covers. "Dude what happened last night"? I don't remember drinking any alcohol but this hangover says otherwise."

"Same here. Someone must have spiked the punch bowl. You have any idea who did it?"

"No, did you."

"Nope. Hmm, I wonder who did."

.

Jaune wakes to a squeal. "What what's going on?" He opened his eyes and saw a girl with green eyes and orange hair staring back at him then his eyes widen in surprise.

"P-penny?" he stuttered.

The girl nodes "Jaune what are you doing here?"

Jaune looks around the room. "I um... where are we?"

"This is my room."

Jaune looks down at himself and then at penny and sees that they are naked. "Did...did we um, do you remember anything from last night?" Jaune asked, a hint of red tinting his cheeks.

Penny shakes her head "Unfortunately my data base in missing some files and some of my entries from last night are corrupted."

"Wait a second," Jaune said with confusion, "data base?"

Penny gasps and slaps her hands over her mouth and looks like she is about to cry. "Wait, you're Ruby's best friend right?" He nodded. "Maybe like her you will be understanding, but please can you keep this a secret?"

Jaune nodded again. "I swear I won't tell anyone. Arc's promise," he said while raising a hand.

Penny takes a deep breath. "Let's see, umm…. to sum it all up, I'm the first synthetic person capable of generating an Aura," Penny said slowly. "In other words, I'm a robot." Jaune didn't say anything for almost a minute. Penny was getting worried when he spoke up again.

"I-wow. I would never have guessed." Penny's eyes slightly widened and her head turned to the side.

"You-... you're taking this well, especially seeing as I'm not a real girl."

Jaune puts his hands on her shoulders. "Ok I'll admit I was a little shocked when you told me that. But you look real, you sound real, and you feel real. You have a heart after all. Ruby told me about you, of how much of a wonderful friend you are and after spending time with you last night I am 100% sure you have a soul and to me that makes you real."

Penny pulls him into an almost crushing hug. "Jaune thank you. But why are you and Ruby so accepting? My father said no one would accept me."

"Well I guess me and ruby are just more open minded than others."

Penny looks down. "Do you really think of me as a real girl? I mean I sometimes wondered if I will ever find someone who will love me even though I'm not the same on the inside."

"Penny." She looks up at him she notices he is blushing. "If I honestly did not think of you as a real girl, I wouldn't have said what I said. I really do mean it." Penny's eyes started to sparkle as she felt happiness start to well up inside of her. She puts her hands on Jaune's head, slowly pulls him forward, and leans in and kisses Jaune. He is surprised at first, but then he slowly closes his eyes and wraps his arms around Penny and pulls her closer, deepening the kiss.

Right then and there, the door hissed open. "Penny, why have you not reported in for morning testing…."

The two break apart to see General Ironwood standing there with the look of absolute shock on his face, which then changes to one of anger as he pulls out his revolver. Jaune ducks as the first bullet sails over his head. Diving out of bed he grabs his clothes, quickly puts on his pants, and runs past Ironwood. Something falls out of his pocket but Ironwood is too busy taking aim and Jaune was too busy running away to notice it. Jaune continued to run down the hall, bobbing and weaving as bullets sailed past.

"Whoever you are, I won't let you off this ship alive, not after defiling my friend's daughter!"

A bullet whizzes past Jaune, way to close for comfort. "Oh shit, aren't you overreacting just a little bit?"

"NO!" Three more bullets whiz past Jaune when he spots a ventilation shaft hatch. Pulling it open he drives down it as more bullets just barely miss him.

.

Jaune has been hiding in the shafts for the last 10 minutes. He is now dressed and is making his way towards the nearest ship exit hatch when he sees soldiers running by.

"We have to find the intruder," says one of the soldiers, in blue fatigues.

"Yeah," The second one, wearing red fatigues said. "Ironwood was throwing a fit. I can't believe he bedded Penny. That dude is either bravest soul alive or just really stupid."

As they walk past Jaune hops out of the hatch and runs for the exit "Yes I'm home free!" He cheered internally.

"There's the intruder!"

"Oh dust damn it." Jaune dives out of the exit hatch and begins to run towards the Beacon grounds. A bullet whizzes past him. Looking behind him he sees Ironwood in hot pursuit. Jaune lets out a shriek of terror as more bullets whiz past him. Jaune fumbles with his pockets and pulls out his scroll and types in a code. A few second later his locker crashes into the ground. He rushes to it and gets out Crocea Mors.

Jaune turns and begins to run once more towards Beacon as ironwood takes more shots at him, but thankfully he uses his shield to block the shots.

Rounding a corner, Jaune takes a breather then tries to look back around it only for a hail of gunfire to be sent his way.

"Dust damn it you psycho! What are you trying to do, kill me?"

"Yes!" Ironwood yells as he rounds the corner and opens fire on Jaune. Letting out a scream Jaune rolls out of the way and runs across the courtyard and takes cover behind the main statue. Ironwood ejects the empty shells from his revolver and inserts fresh ones and advances. Jaune takes a deep breath and readies himself.

Jaune looks from side to side, trying to work out which way Ironwood is going to come from. He yelps in surprise as an arm punches through the statue. Ironwood grabs Jaune and pulls him through and then proceeds to throw him across the courtyard into one of the pillars. Jaune slumps down against it. The wind was knocked out of him. He tried to catch his breath and looks up to see Ironwood's revolver pointed at his face.

"Enough!" The two turns to see a very pissed off Glynda heading their way. "James, explain why you are tear up our school trying to kill one of our students," she commanded.

"I found this degenerate in bed with my goddaughter."

Glynda raises an eyebrow "Is this true Mr Arc?"

"Wait, Arc as in 'the Arc's'?" Ironwood asks in confusion.

Jaune nodes. "That's right. Also it might be true Miss Goodwitch, but we woke up in bed this morning with no memory of last night."

Glynda pinches the bridge of her nose. "As soon as I find out who spiked the punch, there life will not be one worth living once I'm done with them."

Ironwood turns back to Jaune "Ok then, you have one of two choices. One, I ring your father and tell him what happened. Don't think I can't, I have his number, we're old acquaintances." Jaune shakes his head. He really doesn't want that. "Or two, I put you down right here and right now." Jaune shakes his head again, faster than the first time.

"Wait!" The three turn to see Penny running towards them. She puts herself in the way of Ironwood and Jaune.

"Out of the way Penny."

"Mr. Ironwood please wait. I can't let you hurt my husband."

"YOU'RE WHAT!" The three look at Penny flabbergasted

"I saw Jaune drop this when you chased him out of the ship." Penny holds out the marriage certificate that shows they have been married by Ozpin.

James look very angry "OZPIN!"

.

**Bonus**

Ozpin woke up to what sounded like someone yelling his name. He sits up from the sofa and looks around to see several documents having to do with marriage scattered on the table. He looks over the forms and turns as white as a sheet as he sees the names that are fill out on the paperwork. "Oh dear, what did I do last night?" 

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say special thanks to Blaiseingfire for editing this chapter I only asked him to give it a read and then tell me if there was any tweaks needed to the plot he surprised me by editing it giving me much needed time to finish editing chapter 2 of A Fluffy Drunken Marriage
> 
> Blaiseingfire's thoughts: #PrayForOzpin, he's gonna need it.


End file.
